Maineiac

Q: How do u kill a dumb blonde?
A: A scratch-n-sniff card at the bottom of a swimming pool. (Thanks to Kirajam, a blonde with a terrific sense of humor, for sending that one in!)

***

Why did the blonde ask her friends to save their burned-out light bulbs?
She needed them for the darkroom she was building.

***

Why are the Japanese so smart?
No blondes.

***

Cindy, a blonde, came in late one day because her car lock had become frozen. A friend had defrosted it for her by holding the key in a candle flame to get it hot enough to just "slide" through the ice. Cindy told me "That worked so well I've got a bunch of candles in the glove box in case it happens again."

***

Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.

***

The blonde went to a "Dude Ranch" on vacation. The cowboy preparing the horses asked if she wanted a Western or English saddle. The blonde asked what the difference was. "Well, one has a horn and the other doesn't." - "Just get the one without the horn, replied the blonde, "I don't think we'll run into too much traffic out here."

***

Why won't they hire blondes as pharmacists?
They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.

***

Did you hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
It took her a month to realize she could play it at night.

***

What happened to the blonde ice hockey team?
They drowned in Spring Training.

***

Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
To see what was on the other side.

***

A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him, and says, "Hey, wanna hear a blonde joke?" The man says back to the blind man, "Look buddy, I'm blonde. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler and he is blonde. The bouncer is blonde. The man sitting over to your left is also blonde. Still wanna tell that blonde joke?" The blind man is silent for a moment and then says, "Nah, I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."

***

How did the blonde die drinking milk?
The cow stepped on her.

***

Why do blondes have more fun?
They are easier to amuse.

***

Passing an office building late one night, a blonde saw a sign that said, "Press bell for night watchman." She did so, and after several minutes she heard the watchman coming down the stairs. The uniformed man proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way to the door. "Well," he huffed, "what do you want?" - "So, like, why can't you ring the bell yourself?"

***

Did you hear about the blonde that shot an arrow in the air?
She missed.

***

Why did the blonde resolve to have only three children?
Because she read that one child out of every four born was Chinese.

***

Soon after our high-tech company moved into a new building, we had trouble with the elevators. A manager got stuck between floors and, after some door banging, finally attracted attention. His name was taken and rescue promised. It took two hours before the elevator mechanic arrived and got the manager out. When he returned to his desk, he found this note from his blonde secretary: "The elevator people called and will be here in two hours."

***

Why did the blonde put make-up on her forehead?
She wanted everyone to know that she was able to make up her mind!

***

Q: Why can't blondes make ice cubes?
A: Because they always forget the recipe.

***

Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a blonde?
A: The drunk will drive through a stop sign while the blonde will wait for it to turn green.

***

Being very patriotic, Kelly went with a Judi, her blonde friend, to register to vote. They filled out the forms and handed them to the registrar. He looked them over and handed Judi's back to her. "You answered the question on your 'State Of Birth' wrong." She'd written: "alive."

***

Q: What do you call a dead blonde in a closet?
A: The 1994 hide 'n' go seek champion!