Maineiac

An application was for employment,
A program was a TV show,
A cursor used profanity,
A keyboard was a piano!

Memory was something that you lost with age,
A CD was a bank account,
And a floppy disk was something
T erribly wrong in your back.

An overview of some of the most common beers in the market today.

DOS Beer - Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after it's no longer available.

• Home is where you hang your @
• The e-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.
• A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.
• You can't teach a new mouse old clicks.
• Great groups from little icons grow.

Once upon a midnight dreary,
fingers cramped and vision bleary,
System manuals piled high
and wasted paper on the floor,
Longing for the warmth of bed sheets,
still I sat there doing spreadsheets.

Having reached the bottom line
I took a floppy from the drawer,
I then invoked the SAVE command
and waited for the disk to store,
Only this and nothing more.

• Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.
• Laugh uncontrollably for about three minutes and then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
• When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the damn thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait five minutes, turn it off again, and repeat the process for a good half hour.

• I will not buy magazines with AOL disks bound in just to get another 1.44MB disk.
• I will stop sending e-mail to my roommate.
• I resolve to work with neglected children...my own.
• I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm I answer my e-mail.

1. I am thy DOS, thou shall have no OS before me, unless Bill Gates gets a cut of the profits there from.

2. Thy DOS is a character based, single user, single tasking, standalone operating system. Thou shall not attempt to make DOS network, multitask, or display a graphical user interface, for that would be a gross hack.

3. Thy hard disk shall never have more than 1024 sectors. You don't need that much space anyway.