Maineiac

Family Safe Jokes

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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

Before Computers

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An application was for employment,
A program was a TV show,
A cursor used profanity,
A keyboard was a piano!

Memory was something that you lost with age,
A CD was a bank account,
And a floppy disk was something
T erribly wrong in your back.

Read more: Before Computers

Beer Guide

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An overview of some of the most common beers in the market today.

DOS Beer - Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after it's no longer available.

Read more: Beer Guide

Abort, Retry, Ignore

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Once upon a midnight dreary,
fingers cramped and vision bleary,
System manuals piled high
and wasted paper on the floor,
Longing for the warmth of bed sheets,
still I sat there doing spreadsheets.

Having reached the bottom line
I took a floppy from the drawer,
I then invoked the SAVE command
and waited for the disk to store,
Only this and nothing more.

Read more: Abort, Retry, Ignore

50 WAYS TO CONFUSE, WORRY, OR JUST SCARE PEOPLE IN THE COMPUTER LAB

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  • Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.
  • Laugh uncontrollably for about three minutes and then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
  • When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the damn thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait five minutes, turn it off again, and repeat the process for a good half hour.

Read more: 50 WAYS TO CONFUSE,...

The 10 Commandments of DOS

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1. I am thy DOS, thou shall have no OS before me, unless Bill Gates gets a cut of the profits there from.

2. Thy DOS is a character based, single user, single tasking, standalone operating system. Thou shall not attempt to make DOS network, multitask, or display a graphical user interface, for that would be a gross hack.

3. Thy hard disk shall never have more than 1024 sectors. You don't need that much space anyway.

Read more: The 10 Commandments of...