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A Maineiac
Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.
Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.
Furniture Disease
Matt went into Doc Steven's office for his annual checkup, and the Doc asked if there was anything unusual he should know about. That left it pretty wide open, so he told the Doc that he found it real strange how his suit must have shrunk just sitting in his closet, because it didn't fit when he went to get ready for a wedding recently.
The Doc said, "Suits don't shrink just sittin' there. You probably just put on a few pounds, Matt."
"That's just it, Doc, I know I haven't gained a single pound since the last time I wore it."
"Well, then," said Doc, "You must have a case of Furniture Disease."
"What in the world is Furniture Disease?"
"Furniture Disease is when you reach that stage in life when your chest starts sliding down into your drawers."
