Maineiac

Cynics are people who know the price of everything and the value of nothing.

Who cares who's on board?

Die Yuppie Scum.

No radio. Already stolen.

Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it.

Want a taste of religion? Bite a minister.

Carlsbad Caverns: 22% more cavities.

Honk if you love cheeses.

Flying saucers are real, the Air Force doesn't exist.

I don't care who you are, what you are driving, or where you would rather be.

So many pedestrians, so little time.

My girlfriend can't wrestle, but you oughta see her box!

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.

Jesus is coming, everyone look busy.

The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.

If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.

Help wanted telepath: you know where to apply.

Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks you're a jerk.