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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

25 Ways to Torture Your Roommate At Christmas

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  • Claim you were a Christmas tree in your former life. If s/he tries to bring one into the room, scream bloody murder and thrash on the floor.
  • Go to the mall with your roommate and sit on Santa's lap. Refuse to get off.
  • Wear a Santa suit all the time. Deny you're wearing it.
  • Sit in a corner in the fetal position rocking back and forth chanting, "Santa Claus is coming to town, Santa Claus is coming to town..."
  • Hang mistle-toe in the doorway. When your roommate enters or leaves the room, plant a wet one on his/her lips.
  • Hang a stocking with your roommates name on it. Collect coal and sharp objects in it. If s/he asks, say, "You've been very naughty this year."
  • Paint your nose red and wear antlers. Constantly complain about how you never get to join in any reindeer games.
  • Make conversation out of Christmas Carols. I.E. "You know, I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus underneath the mistle-toe last night."
  • Wrap yourself in Christmas lights and roll around in the snow.
  • Sing: "All I want for Christmas is my roommate's two front teeth..."
  • Give your roommate the gifts from the twelve days of Christmas song.
  • Build a snowperson with your roommate and place a hat on its head. When it doesn't come to life, cry hysterically shouting "It didn't work!"
  • Whip your roommate, screaming, "Now Dasher, now Dancer, now Donner, and Blitzen..."
  • Tear down all your roommate's Christmas decorations yelling, "Bah Humbug!"
  • Wake up every morning screaming "Ghost of Christmas Future, please have mercy on my soul!"
  • Tell your roommate you're moving out. Santa's buying you a house on 34th Street.
  • Pin a pointsetta to your lapel.
  • Make anatomically correct gingerbread people and eat the best parts first.
  • Put on a fake white beard and insist that all your roommate's friends "give it a yank."
  • Ring jingle bells maniacally saying, "Every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings."
  • Stand in front of the mirror reciting "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" over and over in your underwear.
  • Smoke mistle-toe. Do what comes naturally.
  • Watch your roommate when s/he is sleeping. When s/he wakes up, sing, "He sees you when you're sleeping..."
  • Steal a life-size nativity scene and display it in your room.
    When your roommate asks, tell him/her "I had to let them stay here, there's no room at the inn."
  • When your roommate goes to the bathroom, rearrange his/her possessions. Tell him/her that Santa's elves must have done it.