Maineiac

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME________________________  DATE OF BIRTH______________

HEIGHT________  WEIGHT__________  IQ________  GPA__________

SOCIAL SECURITY #________________  DRIVERS LICENSE #__________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES_______________________________

HOME ADDRESS___________________  CITY/STATE__________  ZIP_____


Do you have ONE male and ONE female parent? ___________________________

If NO, please explain ____________________________________________

___________________________________________________________


Number of years they have been married _______________________________

If less than your age, explain _______________________________________

____________________________________________________________


Do you own a van?                                       _______________

A truck with oversized tires?                           _______________

A waterbed?                                             _______________

A pickup with a mattress in the back?                   _______________



Do you have earring, nose ring, or a belly button ring? _______________

A tattoo?                                               _______________

(IF YES TO THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES)


In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?_______________________

__________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________


In 50 words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER, mean to you?

_________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________


In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?

_________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________


Church you attend ______________________________________________________

How often you attend __________________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:

        father? _____________

        mother? _____________

        priest? _____________


Answer by filling in the blank.
Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.


A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:

________________________________________________________


B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:

__________________________________________________________


C: A woman's place is in the:

_________________________________________________________


D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:

__________________________________________________________


E: When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first is:

__________________________________________________________

NOTE: if answer E begins with T or A, discontinue.
Leaving premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine 
fashion is advised.


What do you want to do IF you grow up? ______________________________

__________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________


What is the current going rate of a hotel room? _____________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE
BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE
AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER
TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.


_______________________________________
Signature (that means sign your name moron)

Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury) If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases (you might watch your back).