Actual epitaphs from real tombstones...

In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:
Anna Wallace
The children of Israel wanted bread,
And the Lord sent them manna
Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna.

Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:
Here lies Johnny Yeast
Pardon me for not rising.

Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery:
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake.

Anonymous in Stowe, Vermont:
I was somebody.
Who, is no business of yours.

In a Georgia cemetery:
"I told you I was sick!"

Margaret Daniels' grave at Hollywood Cemetery, Richmond, Virginia:
She always said her feet were killing her but nobody believed her.

Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont:
Here lies the body of our Anna
Done to death by a banana
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low
But the skin of the thing that made her go.

Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:
Born 1903--Died 1942
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down.
It was.

In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:
Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up and no place to go.

And, Dr. Fred Roberts, Brookland, Arkansas:
Office Upstairs