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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

New Bike

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Little Leroy went to his mother demanding a new bicycle. His Mother decided that he should take a look at himself and the way he acts. She said, "Well, Leroy, it isn't Christmas and we don't have the money to just go out and buy you anything you want. Why don't you write a letter to Jesus and pray for one instead?"

After Leroy threw a temper tantrum, his mother sent him to his room, where he finally sat down to write a letter to Jesus:

Dear Jesus,
I've been a good boy this year and would appreciate a new bicycle.
Your friend,

Now, Leroy knew that Jesus really understood what kind of boy he was - a brat - so Leroy ripped up the letter and decided to give it another try:

Dear Jesus,
I've been an OK boy this year, and I want a new bicycle.
Yours truly,

Well, Leroy knew this wasn't totally honest either, so he tore it up and tried again:

Dear Jesus,
I've thought about being a good boy this year, and can I have a bicycle?

Leroy looked deep down into his heart (which, by the way, was what his mother really wanted). He knew he had been terrible and was deserving of almost nothing.

He crumpled up the letter, threw it in the trash can, and went running outside. He aimlessly wandered about the streets, depressed because of the way he had treated his parents. For the first time, he really considered his actions.

Leroy finally found himself in front of a Catholic Church. He went inside and knelt down, looking around but not knowing what he should really do. Leroy finally got up and began to walk out the door and was looking at all the statues.

All of a sudden, he grabbed a small statue and ran out the door. He went home, hid it under his bed, and wrote this letter:

I've got your mama. If you ever want to see her again, give me a bike.
You know who.