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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

Bad News

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After her husband's checkup, a woman was called into the doctor's office. The doctor told her, "Your husband has a serious disease. There are several things you'll have to do for him, or he will surely die."

"Each morning," the doctor continued, "fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant to him. Make him a nutritious lunch for work, and a especially nice meal for his dinner at night. Don't give him chores, or that will increase his stress. Don't discuss your problems with him either.

Try to relax him in the evenings by giving him backrubs. Let him watch his favorite sports on TV. And most importantly, satisfy his every whim. If you do these things for the next ten months to a year, I think he'll pull through."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctor had told her.

"You're going to die."