Family Safe Jokes

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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

Friends Make a Difference

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One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, "Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd." I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on.

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Eleanor Roosevelt wrote:

Many people will walk in and out of your life,
But only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.

To handle yourself, use your head;
To handle others, use your heart.

Anger is only one letter short of danger.

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Five Little Words

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There are five little words, I'd have you to know;
They are "Pardon me," "Thank you," and "Please."
Oh, use them quite often wherever you go,
There are few words more useful than these.

These five little words are filled with a power
That money or fame cannot give.
So commit them to memory this very hour
And use them as long as you live!

Pardon me, but please have a very nice day. Thank you!


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Are you aware that if we died tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days? But the family we left behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives.

Come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than into our own family, an unwise investment indeed, don't you think?

So what is behind the story?

Do you know what the word FAMILY means?



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One day a six year old girl was sitting in a classroom.

The teacher was going to explain evolution to the children. The teacher asked a little boy: Tommy do you see the tree outside?

Tommy: Yes.

Teacher: Tommy, do you see the grass outside?

Tommy: Yes.

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A teenager lived alone with his father, and the two of them had a very special relationship. Even though the son was always on the bench, his father was always in the stands cheering. He never missed a game.

This young man was still the smallest of the class when he entered high school, but his father continued to encourage him. He also made it very clear that he did not have to play football if he didn't want to, but the young man loved football and decided to hang in there. He was determined to try his best at every practice, and perhaps he'd get to play when he became a senior. All through high school, he never missed a practice nor a game, but remained a bench warmer all four years. His faithful father was always in the stands, always with words of encouragement for him.

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A Creed To Live By

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- Nancy Sim

Don't underestimate your worth by comparing yourself with others. It is because we are different; each of us is special.

Don't set your goals by what other people deem important. Only you know what is best for you.

Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart. Cling to them as you would your life, for without them, life is meaningless.

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A Child's Ten Commandments to Parents

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1. My hands are small. Please don't expect perfection whenever I make a bed, draw a picture or throw a ball. My legs are short. Please slow down so that I can keep up with you.

2. My eyes have not seen the world as yours have. Please let me explore safely. Don't restrict me unnecessarily.

3. Housework will always be there. I'm only little for such a short time. Please take time to explain things to me about this wonderful world, and do so willingly.

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God asks for no credentials,
He accepts us with our flaws,
He is kind and understanding
And He welcomes us because
We are His erring children
And He loves us everyone,
And He freely and completely
Forgives all that we have done,
Asking only if we're ready
To follow where He leads
Content that in His wisdom
He will answer all our needs.

A Brand New Start

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How often we wish for another chance
To make a fresh beginning.
A chance to blot out our mistakes
And change failure into winning.

It does not take a special time
To make a brand-new start,
It only takes the deep desire
To try with all our heart.

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Blessings to Ponder

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If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep, you are richer than 75% of this world.

If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace, you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy.

If you woke up this morning with more health than illness, you are more blessed than the million who will not survive this week.

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Big Rocks

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One day an expert in time management was speaking to a group of business students and, to drive home a point, used an illustration those students will never forget. As he stood in front of the group of high-powered overachievers, he said, "Okay, time for a quiz." Then he pulled out a one-gallon, wide-mouthed Mason jar and set it on the table in front of him. Then he produced about a dozen fist-sized rocks and carefully placed them, one at a time, into the jar. When the jar was filled to the top and no more rocks would fit inside, he asked, "Is this jar full?"

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9/11 The Day of Remembrance

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Submitted by David

My son came up to me today and asked me about 9/11. This is what he asked and how I responded.

"Dad, is 9/11 a holiday?"

"Not officially. But as far as I am concerned it is."

"Is it like Patriots Day? I see alot of flags."

"It's a little like Patriots Day. For both celebrate being American and what that stands for."

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