Maineiac

True Fact: If you open a curad bandaid in the dark that has the two adhesive strips on the sides of the wrapper, the two adhesive strips will glow blue. oooooh!

Looking for enlightenment is like looking for a flashlight, when all you need the flashlight for is to find the flashlight.

When I was a kid, my imaginary friend dropped me ...cuz his friends thought I didn't exist.

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

An older couple wake up in the morning and the husband looks over at the woman and says, " Wow! You wouldn't believe the dream I had..." And the woman replied, "Yes, go on tell me." So the husband told her. "I had a dream that you left me after 20 years of being married." So the wife says, "Oh, it sounds more like a nightmare." The husband says, "No, I am sure it was a dream."

Q. Did you hear about the cannibal who had chronic indigestion?
A. He ate someone who disagreed with him.

Q. What do you get if you cross a dog with a Concord?
A. A jet setter.

"I think I'll change my name. Every one laughs at Michael Burps."
"What will you change it to?"
"John, I think."

There was nothing in the letter that a woman opened one day except a steel link. And the same the next day, and the day after. She asked the postman if he could explain. "I think you've been getting some chain mail."