Maineiac

Family Safe Jokes

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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

Little Gems

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All of these little gems purportedly came from signs found outside of churches:

"No God - No Peace. Know God - Know Peace."

"Free trip to Heaven. Details inside!"

Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!"

"God so loved the world that He did not send a committee."

"Come in and pray today. Beat the Christmas rush!"

"When down in the mouth, remember Jonah. He came out alright."

"Sign broken. Message inside this Sunday."

"Fight truth decay --- study the Bible."

"Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world."

"It is unlikely there will be a reduction in the wages of sin."

"Do not wait for the hearse to take you to the church."

"If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns."

"If you don't like the way you were born, try being born again."

"This is a ch__ch. What's missing? ----- U R !!"

"In the dark? Follow the Son!"

Church Parking Lot Sign: "FOR MEMBERS ONLY. Trespassers will be baptized!!"

An ad for one Church has a picture of two hands holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that reads: "For fast, fast relief, take two tablets."

When the restaurant next to another Church put out a big sign with red letters that said, "Open Sundays," the church reciprocated with its own message: "We are open Sundays, too."