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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

River Cruise

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A Louisiana man walks into a travel agancy in response to an ad about free river cruises. As the man described why he was there to the lady behind the desk, the woman hit a button and two men spring up behind the guy, beat him up, take his wallet, stuff him into a sack, and throw him out back into the river.

A few moments later another Louisiana man walks in and also begins to speak when the woman hits the same button. The two men spring out, beat him up, stuff him in a sack, steal his wallet, and throw him out back into the river.

A few miles down river the two men catch up to one another and the first man says, "I wonder if they serve dinner on this cruise?"

The second replies,"They didn't last year."