Maineiac

I came home, the car was in the dining room. "How did you get the car in here?" "Easy, I took a left at the kitchen."

While driving the car on a cross country trip I decided to lose 120 pounds of ugly fat... I left my wife at a rest stop...

My ex-con friend recently explained to me why he refuses to ever get married. He says "the wedding rings look too much like minature handcuffs....."