Maineiac

Family Safe Jokes

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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

Quips & Quotes on Animals

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Q: Do you know what you call a cow wearing hay?
A: Cow-moflage!

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My daughter was telling me about a trip to the zoo with her grandparents and how she saw a very large turtle who approached them. She exclaimed, "He was walking right tortoise!"

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Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhinoscerous?
A: An Elifino

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Q: What did the mommy snake say to the baby snake?
A: Stop crying and viper your nose!

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Q: What do you get if you cross an oyster with an owl?
A: Pearls of wisdom

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A snail was run over by a turtle. The snail ended up in the hospital and his friends came to visit him. One of them asked "What happened?" He said "I don't know, it all happened so fast".

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"I like Yorkshire terriers. They're good to wash your car with. They fit right in the bucket."
- Billiam Coronel

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Q: What do you get when you cross an octopus with a cow?
A: An animal that can milk itself!

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Q: Why do they put bells on cows?
A: Because their horns don't work!

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Q: What do you give an elephant with diarreha?
A: Lots of room!!!

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A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?" - "No," answers the psychic, "Next semester in her biology class."

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Q: What do you call a fly with no wings?
A: A walk.

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A termite walks into a barroom and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

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Q: What do you call a giraffe's family reunion?
A: Necks of kin

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Q: What do you call two thousand songbirds?
A: Two kilo mockingbirds

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Q: What do you call the cart used by a chief Tibetian monk to carry around a large South American animal?
A: The Dalia Lama's llama dolly.

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Q: What do you get if you cross a shellfish and a rabbit?
A: The Oyster Bunny

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Q: How does a rabbit make gold soup?
A: He begins with 24 carrots.

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Q: What did one chick say to the other when it found some citrus food in their nest?
A: Look at the orange Mama laid.

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Q: Why do fish swim in saltwater?
A: Because they would sneeze in pepper water.

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A baby penguin walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Have you seen my dad?" The bartender says, "What does he look like?"

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the Moebius strip?
A: To get to the other... er... um...

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Q: What is the golden rule for cattle?
A: Do unto udders as you would have udders do unto you.

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Q: What's the difference between an angry mob and a sick cow?
A: An angry mob 'boos madly' and a sick cow 'moos badly.'